Workplace Relationships

Are You Promotable? Social Skills vs. Intellect

The days of being promoted at a company just because you’ve paid your dues are gone. People are being promoted for many different reasons – and not all of them are for a job well done. In Penelope Trunk’s Brazen Careerist blog about social skills in the workplace, Tiziana Casciaro, a professor at Harvard Business School, said “people would rather work with someone who is likeable and incompetent than with someone who is skilled and obnoxious.”

Now, I’m not saying that people who absolutely do no work but have an insanely bright personality will get promoted ahead of those who actually add value to their department or company. But, it has to be said that your people skills are usually a major factor in whether or not you receive a promotion or continue climbing the corporate ladder.

According to experts, individuals are considered “promotable” when they are included in meetings where their co-workers are not included, told inside information that others are not aware of, given important tasks, asked for input on major decisions, and given increased responsibilities. If you find yourself meeting all these requirements, then you’re promotable according to their guidelines.

But, there is a big difference between being promotable and actually getting promoted. If you meet all of the above requirements and still haven’t received a higher position, there could be many different reasons that are keeping you from moving into your own office. If your company is growing and people are moving up around you, you might want to check your attitude. Also, ask yourself these questions and see if your behaviors are keeping you from getting that well-deserved promotion.

• Do you get along with your co-workers?
• Do you like your boss? How well do you get along?
• Have you ever undermined your boss’s authority?
• Are you clearly recognized for your contributions from your boss’s peers?

If you answered no to any of these questions, then you might have just answered your own question as to why you haven’t received that promotion yet. You may lack the social skills needed to move you to the next level. Employees who are disliked rarely receive promotions due to the fear that other employees will quit. So, even if you have the intellect to successfully run a team, but you’re short on the social skills you need to work with other people, then most likely you won’t be seeing that promotion any time soon.

But there’s good news! There are ways you can improve your social skills. As Penelope Trunk asserts in her blog, “if you just decide you want to do better, you probably will.” In other words, care about how others perceive you and work on re-establishing those relationships at work. The first step in receiving that promotion is repositioning yourself in the office as someone who gets along with others.

Get Connected: Boost Your Career and Your Mental Health

May is mental health month, and this year’s focus is helping people become less isolated and more connected to improve their state of mind. Having people you can count on and confide in is important not only in your personal life, but in your professional life as well.

Research shows that employees who have friends at work are happier and more creative. On top of that, the studies reveal that employees with friends at work are safer, seven-times more engaged in their work and get more work done faster.  That’s why it makes sense for employers to be supportive of workplace friendships.

If you’re in a management position, you can encourage your employees to bond by allowing them some time each day for small talk and interaction. Encourage camaraderie by occasionally sponsoring fun activities such as a pizza lunch or a Friday afternoon department field trip. Not only will your team think you’re a great boss for your acts of generosity, you’ll actually be boosting productivity by encouraging workplace friendships.

Workplace buddies brighten your day by encouraging you to reach your goals, sharing a laugh and allowing you to blow off steam when things get stressful. If you don’t have a few friends at your work, make developing relationships with some co-workers a top priority. To find out how you can form friendships at work, check out the Three Secrets to Creating Allies at Work.

Do you have a good friend at work? How do you think having friendships with co-workers affects your job performance?

3 Tips to Fit into a New Team at Work

When you work in a team environment, you’re bound to run into many different personality types, but some temperaments don’t always mesh. If you’re new to the job, you might feel overwhelmed trying to fit in and get along with everyone. Here are a few tips to help you deal with different personality types in the workplace.

Recognize individuality – Everyone has their own unique strengths. Get to know each person individually, and discover what makes them tick. Are they passionate about music, animals or protecting the earth? Once you find something in common, you can better relate to that person and engage in conversations with them. Be sure to open up as well. When your co-workers know more about you, they’ll be more likely to start a conversation with you because they can ask about your interests.

Be open-minded – Different people have different ideas to bring to the table. Just because a co-worker’s personality doesn’t initially click with yours doesn’t mean you can’t get along with them in the workplace. You don’t have to hang out with them outside of the office, but you should be able to remain civil and work with them on a daily basis.

Adjust your attitude – If you’re not getting along with your teammates, take a look at yourself. While you can’t change others’ behaviors, you can change your own. This doesn’t require you to change your personality, but it might call for you to adjust your outlook about the person or situation. Put your personal feelings aside, and focus instead on your teammates’ positive contributions to the team. If you want to continue working in a healthy environment or just want to keep your job, it might be time to change your negative attitude into a positive one.

Successful teams work well together, no matter what personality types make up the group. Working with a new team can be challenging, but if you’re open minded and look for the positive traits in others, you’ll be able to adapt and fit in.

Do you find it easy to fit into new teams? How do you handle working with different personalities? Give us your feedback in the comments section below.

3 Ways to Build a Better Relationship with Your Boss

Boss RelationshipsDo you struggle to connect with your boss? If so, you’re not alone. Research shows that a poor relationship with an immediate supervisor is the leading reason people leave their jobs. But, instead of calling it quits at a job you otherwise enjoy, try using three tips to build a better relationship with your boss.

Take Advantage of an Open Door Policy.
Communication problems contribute to the demise of many relationships. If you and your supervisor always seem to be speaking a different language, try increasing the amount of time you spend talking face-to-face. Remember, practice makes perfect and that includes your ability to communicate with your boss. If your boss has an open door policy, pop in every now and then to touch base. For supervisors who aren’t easily accessible, schedule times to meet together on a regular basis. Don’t wait until you have a problem to approach your boss. Instead, make developing a solid, professional relationship with your boss a top priority.

Pitch in to Lighten Your Supervisor’s Work Load.
If your boss is frequently stressed out and buried in work, chances are, they would appreciate it if you offered to help out. While you might assume your boss would ask for help if it they needed it, that’s not necessarily the case. Some people have a difficult time asking others for assistance. By paying attention to your supervisor’s workload and offering to pitch in, you’ll be recognized as a team player who can be counted on.

Be Supportive not Combative.
Even when you disagree with the decisions your boss makes, it’s important to be professional. Remember, it’s not always easy for your boss to make tough calls. You can show respect for your boss by refraining from criticism or gossip. Not only will your boss appreciate your support, but you’ll feel more positive about your relationship when you make an effort to see things from your supervisor’s point of view.

Taking responsibility for your own job satisfaction by focusing on getting along better with your supervisor can vastly improve your outlook. You may be miserable in a job, but unless you take the initiative to correct and communicate the issues, your boss could be clueless. Developing open communication, offering your assistance and being supportive will show your boss that you care about your relationship and your job.

Do you get along with your boss? How do you think you could improve your relationship? Let us know in the comments section!

Job Stress: 3 Signs You Need to Chill Out at Work

Job StressSome people are more relaxed than others. These easy-going types tend to handle stress well and keep a level-head even when things get crazy. But, maybe you’re not one of these mellow individuals. Perhaps, you tend to be a little more high strung and get worked up more easily. That’s OK – it doesn’t make you a bad person, but it does mean that you’re probably more stressed out than others. If you think you may be bringing too much tension to the workplace, check out the three signs that you’re stressing too much at work.

You have zero patience for delays.
Do you go a little nuts when a vendor puts you on hold or you have to wait behind a slow-moving co-worker at the fax machine? If you always feel like you’re in a rush and just can’t stand to wait, you’re probably lacking patience.

While there’s nothing necessarily wrong with wanting things done quickly, the problem comes when your expectations clash with reality, causing unnecessary stress for yourself and others. Accepting that you can’t control how quickly others get things done and that delays are a part of life can help reduce the amount of pressure you place on yourself to always be moving forward.

You’re wound tighter than a pocket watch.
When things don’t go the way you planned, do you get upset? Do you hate surprises and have a strict schedule for nearly every moment of every day? If so, you most likely find yourself frequently overwhelmed by life’s unpredictability.

There’s a saying, “Blessed are the flexible because they won’t break.” Having rigid expectations can lead to a lot of frustrations when plans change or go awry. Life is full of surprises, and it’s just not possible to always anticipate the future. Instead of getting upset by the unexpected, take a deep breath and try to be flexible. Learning to appreciate life’s little surprises can make your life much easier and your stress level much lower.

Your office nickname is “the ticking time bomb.”
Do you work with a bunch of people who drive you bonkers? Do you have to bite your tongue daily to keep from snapping at them? If you find yourself getting irritated with those around you on a regular basis, it’s probably not them causing the tension. Sure, people can be annoying and grating on the nerves, but that’s only if you let them.

To stop the cycle of aggravation, work on accepting your co-workers’ flaws. Remember, no one is perfect, including you. When you feel your blood start to boil, remind yourself that you need to calm down and not take things so personally. Instead, make an effort to discover your co-workers’ good traits and focus on those aspects when you’re feeling annoyed.

Next time you’re feeling all wound up, take a moment to calm down and think about what upset you. Chances are, it’s not as big of a deal as you originally thought. Striving to reduce your stress level will improve your on-the-job outlook and your relationships with others.

Let us know how you deal with work stress in the comments section below.

Tips to Improve Your Attitude – Even When You’re Having a Bad Day

I recently attended a conference in Nashville and had the privilege to listen to an exceptional speaker, Christine Cashen. One of the things she spoke about was having a positive attitude, not only at work, but everywhere – even on bad days. It got me thinking about how often our attitudes determine the outcome of our days. Think about it –  if you’re already in a bad mood, chances are, anything else that doesn’t work in your favor will make your mood even worse.

To help you start out each day on a positive note, try following some of these tips.

Pretend you’re happy. According to Abraham Lincoln, “most people are about as happy as they decide to be.” So if you wake up in the morning and you know it’s going to be one of those days – choose not to let that ruin your attitude. Tell yourself that you’re in a great mood and thankful to be alive. Look yourself in the mirror and say, “This is going to be a great day.” Say it all day until you actually believe it. Be enthusiastic about it – after all, every day you wake up is a gift! Eventually, all that enthusiasm – even if it starts out forced – will turn your negative attitude into a positive one.

Add humor to your day. Laughter is truly the best medicine, and people who can find humor in any situation are usually pretty positive individuals. If someone cuts you off on your drive into work, imagine them driving the Oscar Mayer Wiener mobile and wearing one of those funny hats instead. Trying to find humor in things will help relieve stress and turn your frown into a smile. 

Prioritize your worries. Many people spend hours worrying about things that can’t be changed or aren’t really that important. If a mistake has been made that can’t be reversed, accept it, and move on. Make sure you spend your time and energy on things you can control. This will not only help eliminate unnecessary stress in your life, but it will also make you feel better about the things you can accomplish. 

Take a break. If you find yourself spiraling downwards into despair, take a break. Whether it’s 10 minutes or an hour, do whatever you need to do to remove yourself from the situation that’s causing you to have a bad attitude. Once you take a step back from the situation, you might just find the solution to the problem that was causing you such turmoil in the first place.

Remind yourself of positive things. Everyone should have a little box on their desk with nice thoughts or sweet comments written by friends or family. When you start feeling low, simply pull out a piece of paper and read its contents. A nice comment or a happy thought will put a smile on your face and remind you what really matters.

Remember, you’re the only person that can control your attitude; you can’t depend on someone else to make things better. So stay positive, and when you feel yourself getting down, try using these tips.

Do You Have a Work Spouse?

These days, most of us spend as much or more time with our co-workers as our friends and family. That may be one reason why so many people are favorable toward office romance.

Harris Interactive recently released a report showing that over one third (36%) of workers surveyed said they’d consider an office romance. According to the 2008 Harlequin Romance Report, 57% of men and 61% of women in the workplace have had a crush on a co-worker, and well over half of both men and women who’ve experienced workplace crushes say they’ve gone beyond a crush to a relationship with a co-worker (Hat tip: HR World).

But for many, it’s not clear what to do about the deep bonds or constant flirtations that frequently arise between co-workers even when things don’t turn into actual romance. There’s even a terminology that has sprung up to describe this relationship – a “work spouse.”  When you spend most of your time at work – or during your lunch hour – with a co-worker, think about them while at home, or look forward to the next time you’ll get to see or talk with them, you may just have what some call a “work husband” or a “work wife,” even if things are platonic. 

Though general camaraderie and good will among co-workers is a good thing, it can be difficult to draw the lines and keep work relationships in check, unless you have some guidelines to follow.

How can you know if things have gone too far in a co-worker relationship? Experts say taking stock of your on-the-job relationships with these questions in mind can help you know if you’re crossing the line into dangerous territory with a co-worker.

  • Are you obsessing over your co-worker when not at work?
  • How would you treat your work spouse if your significant other were with you?
  • Do you compare your real romantic partner with your work spouse?
  • Do you cross the lines into physical contact with your work spouse, even if it’s just as simple as touch on the shoulder?
  • Are you treating your work spouse the same way you would treat other friends?

What do you think about office romance? Have you ever known anyone in a “work marriage”? Let us know in the comments section, or vote in our online poll.